Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Squeezies...

I feel the necessity to share a little characteristic of myself that that has been plaguing me today. I believe that I have always had this characteristic, but it wasn't accurately defined until my best friend, Melanie A Tidwell came along. We discovered it somewhat simultaneously in ourselves, probably on a food binging, high of code red mountain dew, lack of sleep college stupor. It is called, "the squeezy loves" or more commonly refered to, as just, "the squeezies". You know when you see a brand new baby and you have the weirdest desire to squeeze it's cheeks because it's just that damn cute? Or a puppy that you squeeze so hard it grunts a little bit.
Or you see a bunny rabbit and your mom says..."Don't squeeze it that hard, Brittany, it's little and you might hurt it." But you squeeze it just a little too hard and poop comes out anyway? Well...I get this kind of squirmy squeezes for regular people...Not bunnies, not babies...but friends and family.
The squeezies don't always come about because you love someone. I am a firm believer that they come in sneaky forms as well...Not that you necessarily hate that person, it's just that you feel feisty inside and the devil is in want to pinch them and/or bite their cheeks. I also believe that some of my kids at school suffer from this form of squeezies as well. I have "love" marks all over my arms and neck because of their squeezies.
Squeezies come at random times. You can't really plan on having them...they just come.
For instance: A person I work with made me so annoyed yesterday that I told him that I wanted to punch him in his face the next time I saw him. Instead of punching him, today, I felt really sneaking up behind him and pinching the back of his neck. I felt like biting his arm anytime I sat next to him. I felt like tripping him on the way to the bathroom. I felt like stealing his pen from his hand and throwing it down the hallway all dramatic-like. The scariest urge, on which I almost acted, was wanting to tackle him to the floor, pinning his arms down with my knees and then poking his cheeks with my middle fingers. WHY??! This makes no sense! There is no rational feeling for this except for the fact that I had the squeezies!
Melanie and I use to describe different scenarios involving squeezy loves. A common conversation we would have while walking uphill before a run would consist of something along the lines of this...

Melanie: I feel like driving round a round-about 20 times, then crashing into a ditch with you on the top of the car.
Brittany: Oh yeah, well I feel like biting your leg off and then hitting you on the head with it 5 times.
Melanie: I want to squeeze you so hard your eyes pop out.
Brittany: Well, I want to squeeze you so hard you poop your pants!
Melanie: You couldn't do that.
Brittany: You couldn't make my eyes pop out.
Melanie: But still, I would try.
Brittany: (blank stare) I want to tie your hair on top of your head and then cut it all off.
Melanie: You want to cut my head off??!!
Brittany: NO! Just your hair!
Melanie: Oh...Ok.
Brittany: Want to get a hot and ready and watch 27 dresses?
Melanie: Do I?!
(Proceed to walk back home without completing our run)

Ridiculous eh? We would never do any of those things, but did you ever love/hate something or someone so much, you wanted to hurt them? I believe you may suffer from the squeezies as well...
There is treatment for this condition. Act on your urges. Do it moderately and sneakily, but it's okay to randomly pounce on someone with that little gleam of evil in your eyes.

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