Saturday, May 5, 2012

Part 3: Unnatural encounters with dead birds

It is time to finish this 3 post series due to the fact that the universe is really coming against me.  Yesterday, I went into work early and as I was sitting in the computer room with one of the clients, I heard a thud against the window....I thought..."hmmm, that is weird. It sounds like a bird hitting the glass."  I shook it off  then about ten seconds later, I heard it again.  I turned around and saw a robin flying into the glass!  It did this about 5 more times and each subsequent time, I started freaking out a little bit more.  The last time, I said outloud..."What the heck is going on?!" To which my co-worker, who had snuck in to the room with me unawares goes..."What are you talking about?" I said, pretty hysterically..."A bird keeps flying into the window!!" He kind of looked at me and then took his kid to the wii.  Of course, the bird did NOT fly into the window again, because it knew that someone else would have to witness the fact that they are PLOTTING against me!

Today, as I was checking the mail, I looked down and there was a dead bird lying at the base of the mailbox.  What the eff? Seriously. I feel like this is getting to be very ridiculous. we are.  I see dead birds.  Not like Hayley Joel Osmend in sixth sense where they are ghosts...more like..I always see dead birds.  I can count the times I have seen a dead bird while running.  Five in the last two years.  I am not lying...and I am not exhaggerating to any extent!  That is just while running!
People think that I am ridiculous for all of the rules that I have when driving.  If one window is down...the other one has to be too so that if a bird flies into one window, it can easily fly out the other instead of hitting one and dying....or this happening...

I have gone through drills with passengers on long trips about grabbing the wheel if I hit a bird on the highway.  Brandon is an expert.  We joked about this, but it came in handy on our trip from Utah to Minnesota.  We went over the plan and laughed very hard as we practiced him taking the wheel.  What happened approximately 10 hours later? My parents hit a bird in front of us and feathers flew all over the place.  I knew what had happened right away; Brandon looked at me and slowly took the wheel. 

(Literally don't know what I would do if I came to my car and saw this...I would have to walk to work.) 
I see them on the side of the road while driving. (Geese and robins are my favorite...Not).  I see them when I'm walking downtown.  I see them when taking kids for a walk around the building.  (then I make my co-workers clean them up because I can't stand it)

Worst driving memory: A hobbling bird that had been hit getting obliterated by a truck and seeing feathers exploding in my rear view mirror.  If I had left work 30 seconds earlier, I would not have seen it. 

What mainly happens is a physical freak out. I flap my hands and plug my ears. I will usually scream a small little cry and hop/run away very quickly. If I am driving, I scream for a long time while physically freaking out.
Here is a picture list of what happens to me:

initial..."Is that a...?

well...maybe it is a piece of paper or...a feather duster...ah crap...not again...

uhhh uhhhhhaaaaah!!!!

AHHHH (maniacal laughing/crying/whimpering) GROSSSSSSS!!!!


It I don't look at it, then I will be ok...

Well, I have to make sure I don't step on it...



If I plug my ears...and grasp my face, I will be fine....I just need to...


So there it is....I am afraid of birds...alive and dead.  For ligitimate reasons.  I hope to one day be over this it is my greatest desire to survive the apocalypse and I am sure there will be lots of dead birds everywhere...or at least I will have to hunt birds and clean them...However...until then...Here is what I truley believe....

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Part 2: Birds dead OR my house

A traumatic thing happened to me last night.  I dreamt of one of my worst fears happening. Me hitting a bird with my car and being able to see it on the front hood and also not really being able to do anything about it.  It was horrible. Upon waking up from this frightening nightmare...I was reminded as I listened to the baby birds that have hatched inside my wall, that I still have a duty to my blog readers to get my story out there.  The universe is collaborating against me...or for me...(I don't really know anymore) to get this phobia taken care of.
I do have to say that I don't think I will be able to do Part 2 on my own.  I'm going to need a little help from my friends...aka,

Chris Hemsworth/Thor....

and Joshua Jackson.

Alright...some of you may want to stop reading the post after those two pictures.

My second encounter with birds, which has lead to my crippling fear of dead ones happened to be when they started showing up around my house as a child.  We had a few cats when I was a child.  One of the wonderful things about cats is that when they love you, they leave you gifts. These gifts can be any number of things.  Mice, frogs, birds...etc.  My cat liked to leave birds on the doorstep.

I really just tried to type in dead birds and could not look at the pictures...I am sorry!!! not that anyone is really that upset about it....but serious...GROSS!!

Let's just say I got a bird in my bed one time.  Horrifying.

We also have a wood burning stove at my house.  Every summer, when our stove was not in regular use...birds would make nests in the chimney and then fall into the smoke stack...thus making for a loud and drawn out, flapping death. 

When the death was over...Joe, (my dad) would often open up the stove and take out what was left.  One particular time, I scooting into the other room as he did this, he opened up the stove top and said..."Oh!" as two tiny birds flew out and into our basement.  All of us ran around the room screaming and freaking out as these two birds flapped around our basement and our dogs and cats went wild.  I don't really remember how we got the birds out of the house, but I don't think I was a part of it. 

 My roommate Laural and I have an agreement...I will kill all spiders if she will check the stove everytime we make a fire for dead birds.  She has had to clean one out already...

The whole ordeal of birds being in the house reminds me of two of my favorite shows...(Sorry for the bad quality)

This summer, as I was helping my brother clean out his room, he said very quickly..."Uh, don't come in here." I said while walking in "Why, is there...OH MY GOSH!!!" and froze as I saw the dead bird our cat-like dog CHLOE had brought into his room as a gift. 

I can't bring myself to search for or post pictures of dead birds in people's houses...but I am sure that you can all imagine what this might look like...I do not suggest typing "dead birds" into the search box....

This concludes (due to the fact that I can't post pictures of dead birds in houses) the second part of my Bird Phobia posts. 

Soon to come our final installment...
Part 3: An unatural number of encounters with dead birds.