My Post Apocalypse Survival Guide...

I've been thinking about the apocalypse quite a bit lately.  I'm not really sure why, but it might have something to do with the fact that I am always reading books or watching TV shows or movies about living a post apocalyptic life.  I've come up with a list of must-haves in order to survive.  (note: There are several plausible  apocalypses, therefore this list will prepare me for all of them.)

Survival Must Have:
1. A very knowledgeable, says-the-right-thing-at-the-right-moment, stoic, yet witty, black man in your group. Think about it ...Denzel Washington in The Book of Eli, 

Will Smith in I am Legend.

The black guy from Dawn of the Dead

Second need for survival...
2. A great immune system.
If the apocalypse occurs because of a global, wipe-out disease...then I need to boost my immune system.  I just read a book by Stephen King called The Stand.  (It was over 1200 pages long and at first, I thought that it was great, But by the end...I was very bored) However...in order to survive, one had to be immune to the disease that spread across the world killing 98% of the population.


(this guy is an expert...I'm going to believe him)

3. An ability to shoot a gun or wield a machete

(Emma Stone in Zombieland)
If I'm going to live through the apocalypse and live through it WELL, I need to know how to shoot a gun.  I know, I know...you might say..."But Brittany, I thought you were an impeccable marksman." Well, you got me there.  I am a good shot...thanks for bringing it up...however.  I don't think that being a good shot is going to help me load and operate a gun.  It's kind of like fishing...I can catch all the fish in the world...but it isn't going to do me a damn bit of good if I, for the life of me cannot, under any circumstances bring myself to take a live, finning fish off of a hook.  I will be standing there, holding a fishing pole with a flopping fish on the end, waiting for someone to take it off.
Only, in the apocalypse...there won't BE anyone to take the fish off my hook............I will have to just wait for it to suffocate and die...and that is just cruel.
<back to guns>
There are several instances, that I can think of, where it would be handy to know how to operate a gun.
    1. If there are zombies, I can shoot them.
    2. I can shoot animals for food.
    3. I can shoot looters who try and steal my goods.
    4. If anyone tries to rape me...I can shoot them
    5. Um...do I even have to mention how bad ass it is going to look when I have pistols in hip holsters and a 12 gauge shotgun strapped to my back? I don't think so.  (Disclaimer: The main objective in living in a post apocalyptic world (besides surviving), by the way, is to look and act as bad ass as you possibly can...reference: Mel Gibson in Mad Max and Mila Kunis in The Book of Eli)



I suppose you could substitute a machete for a gun...although, if I have to cut people up...I'll probably just go ahead and die because I don't think I could slice anything but a watermelon successfully...

5. A dog for a companion...
I suppose if all the people around you are dead, then a dog would be a good companion.  In The Stand, they find a dog and it brightens the mood of the travelers tremendously.  Apparently, Mad Max also has a dog...

as does Will Smith,

There are several draw backs to this...Apparently, dogs aren't always immune to wipe-out-the-human-race diseases either.  In The Stand, dogs did not really survive...but this one did.  In I am Legend, his dog gets attacked by infected dogs and then his one and only companion gets sick and he has to kill her! It was horrible.  On a different note, I may need to invest in some different dogs...perhaps pound dogs.  I don't think Chloe and Coletrane will be able to hack the apocalypse...


I'm just saying...

6. Come to grips with and conquer all of my irrational fears...
Let's face it...those of you who know me, and know me well, know that I have a lot of odd phobias.  For example: When making dinner with my sister Haley a few months ago, there were chicken feathers still on the drumstick. I told her that I could not...simply COULD NOT pluck those feathers out.  She looked at me...stared for a bit and then said very simply.  "You aren't going to survive the apocalypse." (this coming from a woman who falls into hysterics when an ant crawls across the kitchen floor)  This got me thinking: What phobias are imperative for me to get over and which ones are ok for me to have?
   A.) My fear of dead birds and my constant fear of unexpectantly stumbling upon one.
   <---If this happens, I don't know if I will be able to leave the house. (see previous post: Fat Tuesday)
Why, you may ask, should I overcome this fear?  Because...during the apocalypse...there may be more instances of birds dropping dead, spontaneously from the sky, like they did on New Years of this year. (Dead Birds)
also...
(<---these are all the places where mass animal deaths have occurred.)
So...as you can easily see...I need to be able to truck through the apocalypse even if there are dead birds all over the road. Plus, because access to food may be limited, I may have to resort to killing and eating birds...If I kill a bird...then I will have to handle a dead bird....ehhhh...I don't like this idea.
    B) My fear of being eaten by a shark(s)

I'm not really too concerned about facing/overcoming this fear.  Although sharks scare the crap out of me and when I see pictures/videos about them, I can't look away...I don't think that, even in a post-apocalyptic world, that I am going to run into them too much.  I have no real desire to be near an ocean.  so...this fear, I can keep.
   C) Getting eaten by an alligator.
 
This fear...depending on where I live after the apocalypse, could come true.  I found some tips on the internet at a website called...Animal Attacks, on how to avoid an attack by an alligator...here they are, right here...

• Stay away from alligator inhabited areas during the dusk and early evening. This is the time of day alligators most commonly feed. They are also most active during the warm, summer months.
• Don't clean fish and discard the parts near water. This attracts alligators to the shore, and maybe even to a swimmer nearby. (THIS IS A TIP THAT I WILL REMEMBER WHEN I LEARN HOW TO TAKE A FISH OFF THE HOOK)
• Avoid searching or reaching for lost golf balls, boomerangs or anything else in water. This can be dangerous, especially to your hands and feet. ( I DON'T KNOW HOW BIG OF A PROBLEM THIS WILL BE, SEEING THAT I HAVE NEVER GOLFED OR EVEN SEEN A BOOMERANG, BUT CONSIDER IT NOTED)
• Keep pets away from waters inhabited by alligators. Small pets especially can attract alligators to the shoreline, or nearby swimmers. (CHECK)
• Never feed alligators. Giving food to the alligators teaches them to associate humans with food. (UM...DUH?)
• Don't harass an alligator if one is seen. An alligator will usually avoid a human unless is feels threatened, so turn around and move the other way quietly. (CONSIDER THIS TIP FOLLOWED)

   D.) My fear of abnormally large inanimate objects...
For example...,
  
I'm sure there will be many different large inanimate objects in the post apocalyptic world.  However, I'm sure due to sheer exposure, I will be able to overcome this fear during the apocalypse.
(On a side note, the last two pictures, I have seen these in real life.  They are from a highway in North Dakota called the enchanted highway. My friends from high school, Rachel Knutson and Stephanie Irish picked me up from college in Idaho one year and on the way home we took this highway thinking it would be fun...IT WAS NOT FUN, IT WAS HORRIFYING.)

This is in no way a complete guide to surviving the apocalypse, just so you all know....I've been writing this post for several days now...so I've thought long and hard about the last point.

7.  I need to be able to take on several "people" at one time, in a fight.
I put people in quotations because I may not be fighting people off.  They may be animals, aliens, or zombies...

You never know when you might need a set of fighting skills to ward off post apocalyptic monsters.  A gun and dog may help but, I think being able to fight in hand to hand combat is just as  bad ass of a skill as shooting someone.  Also...think Hunger Games.  The one thing I've learned is: You have to be able to kick butt after the apocalypse.

Alright...well that ends my list for now.  I know that I have a lot of work to do in order to solidify my survival in the post apocalyptic world.  If any of you have any other skills you think would be worth having to live, feel free to post.  In the meantime...I'm going to start mastering my list. Happy surviving...

Frustration Tolerance

So, as most of you know, I work with children who have autism. I love my job and I think that it is great...we use ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and basically...we all get stuck in the jargon of everything. Right now, my mind is definitely stuck on the phrase "frustration tolerance". Why you may ask? Because I do not have any. When I am frustrated...(physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) I do not tolerate much of anything else.

If anyone comes in contact with me in the next few days and says to themselves, "woah...what is wrong with Brittany?" You will know that I am in need of some frustration tolerance training. (I probably could be cured by a good make out session...I'm just saying.)

Another phrase that we use a lot is...Escape behavior...this would be defined as when a child uses a behavior to escape from a demand. For example...When asked to brush my teeth...I may engage in a tantrum like behavior in order to get out of brushing my teeth. This phrase is often shortened to just..."escaping". I often think...what kind of image would an outsider conjure from hearing us say..."Brittany is escaping from brushing her teeth."

(I know there is a fork in his hand...but trying to stab someone to get out of brushing your teeth would be "escape behavior")

Access behavior is another common phrase...Access behavior is usually what you think about when you think about a child having bad behavior. Someone acting out to get something in return. This would be if my mother were to say..."Brittany, you cannot have that toy because you don't need it." I would be engaging in access behavior if I threw a tantrum in order to get the toy.

This is a three-way tantrum...It looks as if the kid in the middle may be the peace-maker, but my theory is that he is the instigator. Look at that face. Little red has that green toy that little green wants. Red is escaping from sharing and green is access crying in order to get the toy. Old blue is keeping them apart because he is trying to build his sand castle in the middle. He was ok with red helping him, but once green came into the picture...it was all over.

Tantruming is also a word that is used OFTEN in the world of autism and ABA.

"Use your Words" is a common phrase used in my field.

Sometimes, this phrase is OVER USED. I hear it all the time...use your words...use your words...use your words...The thing is...ALL of the children I work with do not speak. They have communication...but they cannot talk verbally, therefore the phrase, "use your words" is not an efficient way to get them to communicate.

Eloping is my favorite word we use.  Instead of saying..."Brittany is running away from the classroom," We would say, "Brittany is ELOPING from the classroom." I like the image of eloping better than the image of running away anyways...

Why, you may ask, am I choosing to blog about this? I have no idea...Other than, the phrase, frustration tolerance is stuck in my brain right now.  I am frustrated with a few things in my life and wish I could be UN-frustrated by them.  Dammit.

Maybe if I engage in some access behavior for the things that I want, I will get it.  Or if I escape from the demands I have placed on me, life wouldn't be so hard and I would not have to tolerate my frustration.  Either way...I need action.

The Squeezies...

I feel the necessity to share a little characteristic of myself that that has been plaguing me today. I believe that I have always had this characteristic, but it wasn't accurately defined until my best friend, Melanie A Tidwell came along. We discovered it somewhat simultaneously in ourselves, probably on a food binging, high of code red mountain dew, lack of sleep college stupor. It is called, "the squeezy loves" or more commonly refered to, as just, "the squeezies". You know when you see a brand new baby and you have the weirdest desire to squeeze it's cheeks because it's just that damn cute? Or a puppy that you squeeze so hard it grunts a little bit.

Or you see a bunny rabbit and your mom says..."Don't squeeze it that hard, Brittany, it's little and you might hurt it." But you squeeze it just a little too hard and poop comes out anyway? Well...I get this kind of squirmy squeezes for regular people...Not bunnies, not babies...but friends and family.

The squeezies don't always come about because you love someone. I am a firm believer that they come in sneaky forms as well...Not that you necessarily hate that person, it's just that you feel feisty inside and the devil is in you....you want to pinch them and/or bite their cheeks. I also believe that some of my kids at school suffer from this form of squeezies as well. I have "love" marks all over my arms and neck because of their squeezies.

Squeezies come at random times. You can't really plan on having them...they just come.

For instance: A person I work with made me so annoyed yesterday that I told him that I wanted to punch him in his face the next time I saw him. Instead of punching him, today, I felt really wiley...like sneaking up behind him and pinching the back of his neck. I felt like biting his arm anytime I sat next to him. I felt like tripping him on the way to the bathroom. I felt like stealing his pen from his hand and throwing it down the hallway all dramatic-like. The scariest urge, on which I almost acted, was wanting to tackle him to the floor, pinning his arms down with my knees and then poking his cheeks with my middle fingers. WHY??! This makes no sense! There is no rational feeling for this except for the fact that I had the squeezies!

Melanie and I use to describe different scenarios involving squeezy loves. A common conversation we would have while walking uphill before a run would consist of something along the lines of this...

Melanie: I feel like driving round a round-about 20 times, then crashing into a ditch with you on the top of the car.

Brittany: Oh yeah, well I feel like biting your leg off and then hitting you on the head with it 5 times.

Melanie: I want to squeeze you so hard your eyes pop out.

Brittany: Well, I want to squeeze you so hard you poop your pants!

Melanie: You couldn't do that.

Brittany: You couldn't make my eyes pop out.

Melanie: But still, I would try.

Brittany: (blank stare) I want to tie your hair on top of your head and then cut it all off.

Melanie: You want to cut my head off??!!

Brittany: NO! Just your hair!

Melanie: Oh...Ok.

Brittany: Want to get a hot and ready and watch 27 dresses?

Melanie: Do I?!

(Proceed to walk back home without completing our run)

Ridiculous eh? We would never do any of those things, but did you ever love/hate something or someone so much, you wanted to hurt them? I believe you may suffer from the squeezies as well...

There is treatment for this condition. Act on your urges. Do it moderately and sneakily, but it's okay to randomly pounce on someone with that little gleam of evil in your eyes.

27...I mean...6 dresses

Alright ladies and gentleman (mike), it's time for a new post. So...Last weekend, I traveled up to Rexburg to attend one of my best friend's wedding. Jessica Bell Bushman (now Mower) married Tyson Howard Mower in the Rexburg, Idaho temple.

This was a BEAUTIFUL ceremony and actually was my first sealing I have ever been to as an endowed member of the church. I already said it, but I'll say it again...it was beautiful. It was a great weekend all the way around. I got to see Melanie and Devin Johnston, my little sister Taylor, Jessica's family and a few other randoms around campus. Can I say that it was weird to be back in Rexburg again. It was weird being in all the old places that I use to go with my little sister! It was also bizzare being there with Mel, seeing that we haven't been there together since the day we graduated. Anyhoo...Enough about the wonderful weekend...and on to the title of my blog. I am sure that most of you have seen the movie 27 dresses.

Melanie and I went on a 27 dresses binge while we lived in Colorado, watching it every night for about a month. The sad thing is, I never find myself able to be sick of it. I laugh at all the same parts and can't help but comparing myself to Katherine Hiegel's character, Jane. So I thought that I would enumerate the times that I have been a bridesmaid through...what else...but pictures!

Wedding #1: Caroline Lemmon.

Colors: Ivory, black and maroon...why am I the only one wearing a black shirt? I don't know...

Wedding #2: My sister Ashleigh

Colors: Blue and white and yellow? I can't really remember.

Wedding #3: Stephanie Irish

Wedding Colors: this blue color with green and white...

Wedding #4: My other sister: Haley

Colors: Yellow, white and pink

Wedding #5: Melanie Tidwell

Colors...also yellow pink and white (I wore the same shoes and both weddings :)

Wedding #6 Jessica Bushman

Colors: Black, lime green and champagne.

I have been to three other weddings where I wasn't officially a bridesmaid, but was asked to wear the colors. These are the honorable mentions...
Jenny McIntyre's wedding:

colors: pink, black and white

Jessica's first wedding:

Colors: Black, white and red

Brittney Deem's wedding:

Colors: black, light pink and white (sorry deem, I can't remember)

I love being in weddings. But by the end of the day, I often feel like this..

Dress I've reworn the most? Ashleigh's...hands down

followed closely by Mel's. (I have no photo proof of me wearing this dress outside the wedding, but trust me...I do.)

Dress never worn again?

Stephanie's, and Caroline's....Not that there is anything wrong with them...but I just haven't found any use for them outside a wedding. I haven't worn Haley's again, because I'm pretty sure it would be too short now and it was too big to begin with...

So there you have it. 9 weddings later and I think I am done for a while...only because all of my close friends have gotten married and I, unless my sister Taylor gets married, don't think I'm at too big of a risk at getting asked to be a bridesmaid anytime soon. I'm in NO rush to get married, but when the time comes, I will be surrounded by all the people who love me as much as I love them!

Music of my Soul

So...my lovely little sister, Haley Johnson did a recent post where she posted the first 10 songs that came on her shuffle, and then described what they meant to her. And because I am an avid blog copy cat...I am going to do the same... ahem...

1. Johnny Cash: I love Johnny Cash...mainly because his songs often sound the same and yet I can listen to him for hours. His best album would have to be Live at Folsom Prison...Hands down. He also reminds me of playing music with my dad. Favorite song: Girl from North Country with Bob Dylan, and Cocaine Blues

2.Oh Lord...The second band is Iron Maiden. I have recently been introduced to this magical band by a friend at work named Jeremy Smith. I can't really say that I am as crazy a fan of them...like he is. But I do enjoy running to them... And attempting to do the first acoustic cover of When the Wild Wind Blows. Favorite songs: When The Wild Wind Blows and Dance of the Dead

3. Roma Di Luna! One of my all time favorite bands. They always remind me of my sr year in college when I downloaded all of their albums and listened to them almost non-stop for 4 months. They make me proud to be from Minnesota, land of good musicians. Also, when I first saw her sing live...I've never seen anything as magical since. She has the most amazing stage presence and you can't help but stare at her in awe as she belts it! Favorite Songs: The Devil Walks, Inside the Bells and Below our Feet

4. Vampire Weekend...They make me happy. I like to listen to them while I'm driving on the highway with my windows down. The song "Campus" makes my day.

5. Oh Coldplay...Coldplay has been one of my favorite bands since highschool. I really enjoyed their first two albums. Parachutes and Rush of blood to the Head are their best, in my opinion. Whenever I listen to Rush of blood to the head, I think of the trip we took to Louisiana and I listened to that cd the whole time. Favorite songs: Strawberry Swing, Green Eyes and Clocks

6. Selena. Selena will forever remind me of Miss Melanie Tidwell-Johnston. Anytime I hear Selena I think of the time(s) we watched Selena and the time(s) we drove to Boise with the windows down BELTING all of her songs! Anything of Seleeeena! Favorite song: Bitty Bitty Bum bum and Barefoot barely breathing (hahahaha, I don't know the real name of that song)

7. Regina Spektor. One of the greats. I remember the first time I heard her song "Us" I was hooked. I was determined to learn it on the guitar and sang it non-stop for weeks. She also reminds me of my college times. Favorite songs: Samson and Us

8. Trampled By Turtles...introduced to me by my brother Jonathan Bly. They are a great bluegrass band...on acid?

9. Greg Brown. My all-time favorite musician. I could listen to Greg Brown everyday for the rest of my life. He was the first concert I ever went to with my mom, dad and brother. He proved to me that a true musician can sit on a stage with only his guitar and voice and make for a great show. He's the best story teller in his songs and audience banter. He always will remind me of my dad. Favorite songs: Spring Wind, Rexroth's Daughter and his Richard Thompson cover of Vincent Black Lightning.

10. A Night in the Box. This one makes my heart hurt because they are no longer a band. I've seen A Night in the Box three times in concert and everytime they have blown my mind. Talk about the highest energy concert I've ever been to. These guys could belt anything out with a banjo, guitar, fiddle and harmonica. Yet another tribute the the greatness of Minnesota music. They were the best and I'm sad they are no more. Favorite Songs: Lie to me, Hustle, Don't Do me Wrong, West Texas, and The Prayer...there are many more.

11. (woops...more than 10...this is just so fun!) The Shins. If any band can get me in the mood to run, it is this one. The funny thing is, The Shins are not even that fast paced...but they fit my pace almost perfectly. Favorite Songs: Caring is Creepy, New Slang and Turn on Me

12. Brandi Carlisle. She has shown me that it is alright to belt and break your voice. She also has the coolest voice of all time and does the coolest covers. She reminds me of college and my dear friends there. Favorite songs: The Story, Walking in the Snow.

13. Mumford and Sons. this is a relatively new band also introduced to me by my brother dear. I ADORE this band. They have a great ability to sing with passion. I have really enjoy them...a lot this last few months. Favorite songs: Awake my Soul, Roll Away Your Stone, and Winter Winds.

14. James Taylor...I love James Taylor because I feel like he summed up song writing in an interview I read. People often ask me how I come up with the songs that I write and he said it perfectly. He said that he felt like these songs were in the universe and he was the channel through which they became organized...Totally hippy, but that's how I feel too. These beautiful themes and words are floating around and for some blessed reason, I have been given the gift to put them together. James Taylor also reminds me of my best friend Melanie Tidwell (now Johnston) and that always makes me happy!

15. Bob Dylan: One of the greatest. This kind of sounds cliche. But the more that I've been listening to Bobby boy...I really believe that that is true. He wrote SOOO many songs. And I really enjoy covering his music. Favorite Songs: The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carrol, Boots of Spanish Leather and One Too Many Mornings

16. CAKE. Reminds me of the summer of my Senior year in college. It also reminds me of the wonderful roadtrip we had driving to Boulder from Rexburg to watch them in concert. Best concert EVER! John McCrea can also put on a GREAT show! I loved it...he is also the king of covers. Cake has shown me that if you can take a song and make it your own, people will go...wait...did you write that? or is that a song I've heard before? I'm not really sure! Favorite songs: Jolene and Pentagram at the moment.

so...since I've wasted most of my Saturday morning doing this...I will have to stop there. I do have to say that I skipped over some songs that I didn't have anything to say about. These towards the end have turned out to be more influential artists than anything else. Great times! i love music more than almost anything in this world. It makes sense to me. I feel calm when there is a beat and harmony and inspiring words. Cheesy...but whatever... peace out until next time.